Halsey welcomed their first child, Ender Ridley Aydin, last July while in the midst of completing their latest album, If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power. The record saw the pop singer teaming up with Nine Inch Nails' Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, a dream for the pop star who has stated that the pair has shaped their music taste since childhood.

Initially setting out to record an album that went into darker atmospheres as Halsey set out to return to the headspace they had entered while writing their debut record, Badlands, the message of If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power changed upon discovering they were pregnant. Speaking with Billboard, Halsey opened up more about their mental headspace while recording If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power, and how motherhood has changed their perspective on life.

"For me with this record, I was going through one of the most transformative things that a human being can possibly experience: emotionally, physically, socially, spiritually, whatever," Halsey said in the interview. "I was pregnant. And I was really happy, but I was also super scared and super anxious and paranoid. As much as my days were filled with joy and dreams of a little naked baby on a cotton cloud, they were also full of terror that something was going to go wrong and that my body didn't feel like mine anymore."

Reznor explained that he and Ross were intrigued by the message Halsey had wanted to get out with the record. The two weren't familiar with the artists' work prior to collaborating, explaining that they rarely listen to trending acts. However, now that the album is finished, Halsey revealed that they don't currently have plans to work on new music.

"I'll probably do nothing, honestly," Halsey said when asked what the next two years look like for them. "I'm glad we got to make this album when we did because being a mother to my son makes being a musician seem pretty boring. Something really amazing happened when I did have my son, which is the absolute, glorious eradication and death of my ego. Nothing matters when I go home to him. He thinks I'm perfect and great and everything. That's going to be a whole other beast to tackle, parental guilt, but for the time being, I'm in bliss about it. The beauty of that is that it means I'm going to create when I want to. Hopefully, that means that whatever I make is going to be something that I'm just burning to get out there. Because the only expectation I have for myself is to be a really good mom, and the rest will fall into place around that."

Halsey has been vocal about motherhood since giving birth, sharing to their fans on Twitter have they've been working to accept their postpartum body and how they sometimes feel guilty for working. However, Halsey also shared that they have "experienced love unlike any other" since having their baby.

Michelle Fay

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